Blackadder’s Christmas Carol – Full how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar Script – Blackadder Quotes

Ebeneezer: yes… [going to hang up his coat and scarf] I fear, mr baldrick, that the only way you’re likely to get a big wet kiss at christmas how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar — or, indeed, any other time — is to make a pass at a water closet. However, be that as it may… [baldrick gives him the card again] “A merry messy christmas.” ‘christmas’ as an H in it, mr baldrick.

Ebeneezer: …and an R. Also an I, and an S. Also T and M and A… …and another S. Oh, and you’ve missed out the C at the beginning. Congratulations, mr baldrick! Something of a triumph, I think — you must be the first person ever to spell ‘christmas’ without getting any of the letters right at all. [he takes the bag of presents he brought from outside how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar into the back room.]

Ebeneezer: ah, the playful young scamps, eh? Still, what a lovely thought it is: at this very moment, all over the country, from the highest to the lowest, through those charming plump folks somewhere in the middle, everyone is enjoying christmas.

[scene changes to a room in buckingham palace. Queen victoria enters, followed by the chair-bearer (what’s the proper name for such an individual?), and approaches prince albert, who is wrapping something. He speaks with a ridiculous accent.]

Edmund: [still searching his person, comes across the novelty death warrant] er, well, there is one, actually, ma’am: you know how much I’ve always been a great admirer [motions his hand to and fro between she and melchett] of you both — I was wondering if I could just have your autographs, erm, to keep me company during the final, tragic, lonely hours… [he already has handed her a quill]

Edmund: right, balders… [puts sack on a chair] I’m sick of getting no presents and the prince regent how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar getting the lot, so this is the plan: we play our traditional game of charades, and, when he gets bored and asks for a story, you come out here [lifts the sack up a bit], stick the dress and the hat on, and then knock on the door. I’ll take it from there. Have you got it?

Ebeneezer: however, if you want something for lunch, take this. [he reaches down and lifts up a bucket with some how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar faecal-brown stain running down the side] it’s a pound a lump, and, as luck would have it, there are seventeen lumps left. [takes his seventeen pounds back from her basket] thank you.

Victoria: [charmed] my dear little hobgoblin… here is our royal seal. [holds out the seal; baldrick takes it and slowly kneels] we have come to present your master with fifty thousand how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar pounds and the title of baron blackadder, for being the kindest man in england.

Ebeneezer: yes. [to victoria] unless I’m very much mistaken, you’re the winner of the round britain shortest, fattest, dumpiest woman competition. And for her to be accompanied by the winner of how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar this year’s stupidest accent award is really quite overwhelming.

Ebeneezer: yes — ‘empress oink’, as lads call her. The only person in the kingdom who looks dafter than how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar her is that stupid frankfurter of a husband [albert covers his own ears]. ‘the pig & the prig’ we call them. [approaches them, forcing them back into the front room] how they ever managed to produce their one hundred and how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar twelve children is quite beyond me. The bedchambers of buckingham palace must be copiously supplied with how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar blindfolds.

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