Self-Respect How I lost it in the face of verbal abuse how to get rid of ants in the house Psychology and Counselling

Like all fathers, he wanted the best for his child. The problem was, he had my life all planned out and he wanted how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar to be in control. He expected me to excel in academics and sports, and for the most part I did. He wanted me in the right circles and insisted on how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar meeting and inspecting my friends. (oh, how I hated my teenage years!)

The few times that I didn’t meet his expectations, he would be stinging. He wouldn’t raise his voice. He wouldn’t curse – he abhorred profanity – but he had a way with words and he could how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar shrivel me up with quite a few choice phrases. My confidence would be in pieces and, all self-respect gone, I would feel that I just can’t win. When my mother intervened, he would turn on her with a list of her how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar shortcomings, and would finally end with his favourite, “you just watch it, ruthie, she is going to amount to nothing!” or another, “she is going to be just another kitchen drudge like how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar you!” looking back, I still wonder why my mother put up with all how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar that verbal abuse.

In a way, I am today what I am because of my parents how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar – especially my dad. I have a successful life today, all thanks to the strong foundation given by my dad. But, I could have “amounted to nothing” too- that too thanks to my dad. I was heading to be a nervous wreck, but then I rebelled! I couldn’t take it anymore and I walked out of the how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar house. I dropped out of college, moved in with a friend, took up odd jobs to sustain me. Anything to get away from the constricting atmosphere at home!

It was hard. But for the first time, I was free, and I got back my self-respect. I made a lot of mistakes, I would rather forget those. Eventually, I started blogging and creative writing. I didn’t earn much, but it was enough for me to finish college. I got a job in advertising and determinedly pushed my how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar way up the rungs. Not a life my dad envisioned for me, but I didn’t do badly either – although my dad doesn’t agree. I don’t think he approves of my fiancé either, although he hasn’t said it in so many words.

Yes, I did mend my relationship with my dad when he how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar tried to reconnect – with a little bit of help from my mama and how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar our family counsellor. My dad still maintains that I was too sensitive and how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar he was only trying to get the best out of how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar me, but I have decided to forgive him and we have how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar agreed not to talk about the past. I call my dad once in a while and we how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar occasionally visit them. But that’s about it. He was cruel, inadvertently or otherwise, and I’m still afraid to trust myself to be there with how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar him for too long. I am still afraid he would crush my spirit. I still have a long way to go. My counsellor explained that I am still hankering for his how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar approval and that I still am trying to make him how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar respect me. Somehow, my self-respect is linked to my dad’s approval, which is sad. But there it is. I am trying to work my mind around that.

• I should be open to criticism. I shouldn’t be at the defensive at all times. Someone not agreeing with me doesn’t mean I am an idiot. If I am wrong, I should be able to learn from someone pointing it how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar out. Accepting criticism is not tantamount to losing my self-respect.

• “don’t let the enemy see your bleeding finger.” – one of my dad’s favourite quotes, but apt here. It’s a tough world out there and people will take how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar advantage of any weakness, however small. If I have any shortcomings, I mustn’t show them for all and sundry to exploit.

• I am tough. Ironic as it may seem, I am tough. I was strong enough to finally stand up to my how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar dad and decide that I can manage on my own. I worked hard, juggling jobs and studying at the same time. I put myself through college. I fought my way up in the corporate ladder. I am tough!

• I don’t need my dad’s approval or anyone else’s for that matter to know that I am worthy how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar of respect. (although, I did feel a glow when my psychologist said, “these are good!” – so, I don’t need anyone’s approval, but hey, I appreciate compliments?!)

No, I haven’t taken a printout of that to stick on my how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar bathroom door! But, those words are in the back of my mind and how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar that’s what I am telling myself now to pep myself how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar up for tomorrow’s presentation. That’s why I finally sat down to write this blog how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar on self-respect. It is truly liberating to finally give voice to my how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar insecurities, even if it were anonymously!

Psychologist’s note: verbal abuse can happen in any relationship – between partners or between a parent and a child. A person who is subject to verbal abuse over time how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar can lose all sense of self-respect and feel he or she is not worthy of how to get rid of ants in the house vinegar being loved. If you see yourself in such a situation, then it is time to take charge and walk away.

If you are looking for help, whether for yourself or for a loved one, our psychologists can assist in exploring underlying issues through therapy. Please visit our practitioners’ page to find out more, or call (03) 9820-5577 for an appointment or to make enquiries. Related articles

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